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I Need To Talk To The Person In Charge Of Changing Humans Into Dogs

Half and Half

I went out with my roommates last night and drank too much wine.  Story of my life.

Earlier this morning, I watched this video to help cure my hangover and take my mind off the fact that I have to sit in a rolly chair for the next eight hours and stare at my computer screen.

And then I realized… I’m so jealous of dogs.

Forget girls with nice hair, girls who can plow through three bacon cheeseburgers and not gain a pound, girls who have their dream job before age twenty-five, girls (and boys) with independently wealthy families that get to exclusively shop at Whole Foods. Forget all of them.

I want to be a dog.

Aside from the fact that they get to know one another by smelling butts, being a dog is pretty awesome.  I guess I could also do without the whole eating bark flavored…

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What Students Really Need to Hear

AFFECTIVE LIVING

It’s 4 a.m.  I’ve struggled for the last hour to go to sleep.  But, I can’t.  Yet again, I am tossing and turning, unable to shut down my brain.  Why?  Because I am stressed about my students.  Really stressed.  I’m so stressed that I can only think to write down what I really want to say — the real truth I’ve been needing to say — and vow to myself that I will let my students hear what I really think tomorrow.

This is what students really need to hear:

First, you need to know right now that I care about you. In fact, I care about you more than you may care about yourself.  And I care not just about your grades or your test scores, but about you as a person. And, because I care, I need to be honest with you. Do I have permission to be…

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Audiences clapping along to music

middle class fury

Clapping-audience-001

Hello, how are you?

(Don’t answer that out loud – I can’t hear you)

Well, it’s been a while. Between Christmas infiltrating my life with its tinselly tendrils, and my place of employ working me harder than a ex-Radio 1 DJ’s defence lawyer, I have been neglecting my blog of late. But you know, during this brief sojourn away from t’internet, it struck me that it may very well be the case that I have mellowed. See, there used to be things that wound me up so frequently and incessantly that hitting my blog and venting about it was more a necessity than a hobby. During the admittedly short time I was abstaining from this sort of catharsis, I could have sworn a feeling of belligerent acceptance was slowly washing over me – that yes, sure, there were still things in life that bothered me, and the majority of people…

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Camp Coachella

Two More Dead

Just kidding, I'm the one in summery festival wear. Can you spot me? I’m the drunk one.

So, I’m back. Cue the party poppers and the loud reverie of all my adoring fans. If you just hear crickets, don’t worry, that IS the reverie, those ARE my fans. I do very well on the insect circuit.

 

Anyway. I’m writing this because you asked me to make a post about my Coachella experiences.  This is me doing just that. It’s funny. When you initially asked me to write about it, I balked pretty hard. I was already self conscious about going to (what I perceived to be) an event people attend solely so they can say they were there, now I had to become what I hate most by actually blogging about it. But then we got to Palm Springs and we all started drinking and I quickly forgot notions of propriety and my stupid high horse (I’ve since…

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World’s Best Mom

Alive In You

That’s a lofty title, I know. And believe it or not, I know her. Even more amazing (to me) is that I’m married to her.

One might think the world’s best mom would be someone with years of motherly experience and a number of kids — someone who has been doing it for a long time. My wife, Katie, doesn’t come close to qualifying under those terms. You see, we’re new parents. Our first son, Randol Thomas, was born on Thursday at 12:56 a.m. at the incredibly young gestational age of 25 weeks and 4 days. That happy moment had a sad ending when our baby boy lost his life later that morning at 5:20 a.m. after struggling for hours to try and breathe with what we knew were severely underdeveloped lungs — something we knew would be an issue after my wife’s water broke at just 18 weeks.

So how could…

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Party Like it’s 1925

Classically Educated

1920s  House Party

Here at Classically Educated, we think that everyone takes themselves much too seriously.  Hell, we’ll probably be accused of taking ourselves too seriously.  In fact, the very name “Classically Educated” reeks of pretentious big-headedness.  So we are officially declaring this week the “Week of Not Taking Ourselves or the Week of Easter Seriously”, also known by its simple acronym, WONT OOT WOES.  Our article on Thursday will probably poke some sort of  fun at something around Easter, but we had no article for today.

So, in the time-honored tradition of blogs everywhere, we asked a vampire to send us an article about how to party to run on Easter week.  I imagine all the other blogs are doing the same thing.  Well, at least those that recognize the universal truth that vampires haven’t been overdone.  Anyway, H’s post is below.  You may have read it before, but we don’t care.

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Bubba’s Laws of Intelligence (and/or stupidity)

Ubiquitous Bubba's Blog

Zeroth law of intelligence: If two systems are in intellectual equilibrium with a third system, they must be in intellectual equilibrium with each other. This law helps define the notion of intellect. The hypothesis is intended to allow the existence of an empirical parameter, the intellect, as a property of a system such that systems in intellectual equilibrium with each other have the same intellect. The law as stated here is compatible with the use of a particular physical being, for example a middle aged LARPer, to match the intellect of other beings, but does not justify regarding intellect as a quantity that can be measured on a scale of real numbers.

 First law of intelligence: Because stupidity is conserved, the internal stupidity of a system changes as idiocy flows in or out of it. Equivalently, people that violate the first law (liars) are impossible. Idiocy is the flow of stupidity from one person…

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